Memoirs, and not this one...

I went to a discussion meeting in Tallaght Library last night. Nuala O Faoláin and two of her sisters had been invited to discuss how each of their perceptions of growing up in the same family - and their resultant memoirs - differed from each other in outlook and content.

My curiosity stemmed from the fact that, apart from Nuala's memoir being in my top ten when it comes to reading lists, Nuala's sister Deirdre wrote a memoir that is by all accounts uplifting when compared to Nuala's essays in melancholia and anger.

I managed to bag a seat very near the front (someone who had reserved one hadn't shown up. Ha!) and settled down with one of the glasses of wine they were giving out. Eventually Dermot Bolger, South County Dublin's writer in residence, came up, said a few words and then introduced not just Nuala and Deirdre, but their other sister Gráinne as well.

It was interesting to see the three of them, especially Nuala, and when the main sister of interest spoke for the first time it was suddenly driven home that up until then, my own impression of her had only ever come from her words, and how hearing her for the first time, regional accent and all, made her appear more human.

This example could be extended to people in general. You are not always in control of the impression you make on people when you meet them in person, but when those people have nothing to go on but your writing, those little words can be a very powerful tool indeed.

I think I'm stating the extremely obvious here...

One of the first things that was put out there by N was how sometimes your individual voice can be disempowered within your own family, that they feel that because they know you better than anyone, they can think you are getting away with something when you make a public statement, because they believe they know you better than anyone else. Also referred to was the potential minefield writing a book about your family can prove to be, as you are writing about the people closest to you.

Then it moved over to the other two sisters, and I was struck by the fact that, while Gráinne's public persona was not entirely different to Nuala's, Deirdre's is a bit sunnier in disposition. One word she self-deprecatingly used to describe herself was 'simple', and once made the point that Nuala and Gráinne were possessed of more depth than she was. Perhaps she was selling herself short with her phraseology, but on the surface at least, she seemed less self-absorbed than the other two.

It wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who has read either of the two memoirs that the discussion centred not just around the difference in perspectives, but around the parents of the three sisters. One method Dermot Bolger adopted was to read an account of an incident from Nuala's life from her memoir, and then read Deirdre's account of the same incident from the other memoir. It yielded some amusing results from time to time.

Then questions were taken from the audience. I racked my brains for something, feeling that I shouldn't waste the opportunity. I came up with two questions. The first one, did Nuala ever get to meet the woman who had experimented sexually with Nuala's mother in boarding school, an experimentation which eventually led to the expulsion of the latter from that school? The second one, did she place more weight of expectation on her mother, given that she focused more on that woman's failings as a parent, rather than her father's, in her book?

I hesitated (I'm not possessed of an innate ability to judge other people's boundaries) and was lost. Perhaps it was for the best, re-reading what it was I intended to ask her. One of the last comments that came was from a woman with a wavering voice. Just about maintaining her composure, she said that the discussion had a particular resonance with her as she had found her father to be an 'unimaginable bastard' and couldn't understand how her younger sister thought he was a wonderful man. It was compelling stuff. The whole evening was, really.

And in keeping with the tone, when I stepped out into the open air after the three sisters had understandably fled via the back exit, it was raining.

An interesting night though.


If you the reader hasn't read 'Are You Somebody?' by Nuala O' Faoláin, get on it. It's insightful, thoughtful, and very readable. It's probably one of the best books about modern Ireland and its problems in print right now, and it's one of my favourites at this moment in time.